So sad....

Well Mum....it's very nearly 4 years since you died. This time four years ago I was sitting in the hospital holding your hand, talking to you and praying that everything was going to be ok. The hospital were doing various tests because you weren't responding as you should have been and the blood tests were going the wrong way.
I miss you so so much, nobody will understand how close we were and what you mean to me. Tonight Oli moved up into Cubs and was invested.....I shed a few more tears than I probably should because I know you would have been there smiling and you would be so proud of the young man he is becoming and Theo there standing proudly watching too.
Mum I don't know how I'm going to be tomorrow I have spent the last two weeks talking to myself, telling myself to be strong and happy and keep smiling, thinking that this year I can do it, I can get through without tears but the minute I let my guard down the tears fall and the sadness overwhelms me. Life without you is so hard, each day I want to talk to you, tell you things, have a hug like only you can give me. Share with you the things I've been doing, discuss the problems I have, talk through the exciting things that are happening with the boys. Theo starting drum lessons....he's finally showing an interest in something that he can do on his own. I'm so very proud of the boys Mum, I know you would be too.
I miss you all the time, I love you always
tomorrow will be hard but I will try to keep positive and smile.
love you specially Mum always xxxxx