Dear Mum,

It's been a strange few days. I've felt a bit brighter in the fact that Teasel is back to normal. She's getting lots of attention and i'm giving her a cuddle in the evening, I expect she was missing her cuddles with you in the evening. Mark doesn't seem to mind now if she sneaks up onto my knee, I think he knows that she must miss you like I do. I'm glad that she is back to normal again because I was really worried about her.

I attempted to go out last night to the Hash Bash, Karen was asking me to go and although I had to push myself really hard to get there it was nice seeing some old friends again. I got some lovely hugs and although I shed a few tears. It was nice seeing the awards being given out. I got quite overwhelmed though towards the end, heard the Abba compilation and that brought back lots of memories of you and Dad. You both loved listening and dancing to Abba. I had to come home after that because the emotion was just too much to deal with, I came home and couldn't sleep. I've woken up this morning with a massive headache, all the emotion I guess.

I remember getting ready to go to the other hash events when you would be looking after the boys in the bath and then you would shake your head at the outfits I was going out in. You did like me to go though before I was working, you said it did me good to get out and do something for myself.

It's not the same without you though Mum, we all miss you. Oli said this morning that you can't be here to look after them today while Daddy works because you are in heaven.

I helped at the pre-school yesterday, we were moving all the garden equipment out. There were lots of people there and it's all been moved now. The bark pit which you helped to put in place by phoning for donations and being there on the day has been taken so we can use it in the new premises. I did get a bit sad yesterday as I imagined you being there with your coat round your waist and hands on your hips organising everyone. I do wish you could still be here Mum to see how hard everyone is working towards the new unit. I just wish we'd done lots more while you were here to know how much everyone thought about your hard work and how much everyone cared for you.

Socatots is now on an advertising board to try and sell it, I know we talked about it a lot when you were alive that it was taking me away from being a Mum.

Mum I love you very specially and always will, I will try and make you proud of me and will try and bring the boys up to make you proud to,

love you specially Mum

Ruth xx