9th March

Mum with Teasel July 2004

We will be going to the cemetery today to bury Mum's ashes. She is going to be back with Dad on what would have been their 25th Wedding Anniversary. I'm feeling completely wiped out at the moment, a car drive to Coventry to see the solicitor didn't help but it is done and i've met the man who will be doing all the sorting out with me. Noel and I had a talk about different things and I was glad I had gone.

I've sent the boys to school and pre-school to give me a bit of space this morning and waiting for Mark to get back from taking his Mum home yesterday. We had a bit of a wobble the other day as he made a comment about me wearing Mum's cross necklace. I was very hurt by his comments but need to try and keep things as normal for the boys as I can.

I am still struggling with the fact that Mum has gone, I still wait for her to come through the gate with her bags, I still look at my phone every night for the text we used to send each other to say goodnight. I suppose with all the activity of sorting everything I've not had any quiet time just to try and meditate on the fact that she has gone.

Driving yesterday I had a really vivid image of her as she was in the hospital, wondering why they couldn't save Mum...why was she the one that had to die, what made it Mum's turn? All these questions and no answers yet.

Time is ticking on till I need to go and collect the boys, till we need to leave and go over to Teignmouth.

I feel so sad......I miss you Mum so much xxx